Establishing a New Foundation

Where Did My Perspective Go?

2007-12-12T05:32:44Z

Kerrie came home in a storm.

I believe it was a culmination of the fact that she had a bad day at work and came home to find the dishes and trash still needed done.

These things are now done, and yet Kerrie's still in a sour mood.

However, that's not the point of this post.

Because of these events, I've lost my perspective and have suffered a mental breakdown of sorts.

I don't know what I want right now. I think what I need is mental support, but I know I won't find it in reality right now.

The only place I can turn is to the internet, and it probably won't yield what I need either.

Special Thanks to Tim

2007-12-11T22:03:03Z

I want to take a moment to send out thanks to somebody who's helped me through lots of rough spots in my life.

This particular fellow's name is Timothy Gloss. This boy gives, in his opinion, way too much of his time and money (and indeed, he gives till it hurts and then some), and the vast majority of the time, he doesn't feel he gets the thanks he deserves (and he's usually right).

So I'd like to take some time out of my schedule right now to give him some thanks.

First of all, on behalf of David and Kerrie, I'd like to thank Tim for all the money he's given (at least he won't have to give as much once we move).

Secondly, I'd like to thank him for what patience he has shown given recent circumstances.

Third, I'd like to thank him for one, purchasing the laptop I'm posting this entry from right now, and two, allowing me to use this laptop as much as he does (he actually lets me take it outta the house on occasion!). It's true I'll have complete freedom if I buy my own laptop, but until that time, I must be thankful to Tim for what little freedom he's allowing me with his. I do say it's his - the reason being, it's true we've gone halvsies on it, but it's also true I haven't paid a red cent on it yet (something I soon hope to rectify).

When Tim gets to feeling a bit down, he tends to downplay his dominion over this laptop (citing the fact that I use it more than he does), but I don't quite think he knows (though I've told him a million times) that I understand he is the owner of this computer - his name is the one on the Rent-A-Center bill, and he's the one that pays it. I consider myself blindingly lucky that he lets me use it at all. I tell this boy constantly that if I'm on the laptop when he gets home and he wants it, he has every right to kindly or rudely boot me off as he pleases; he never does it because he perceives that as being rude. I am going to explain to him that there's a difference between actually being rude and simply having the courage to declare what's true: "that's mine and I want to use it." And I would gladly hand over the laptop. (Note that I'm using the phrase "hand over," not the word "allow," because it's his; I don't allow him, he allows me.)

I'd also like to thank Tim for helping me bust ass around this house; without him, I'd literally be doing about 90% of the house chores; huge props to Tim for that.

Additional thanks to Tim for all the times he had to put up with strong suggestions from his brother and I as to what to do when playing a game; we think only for the best, but we often forget that he wants to figure it out himself or wants to do it his own way. So Tim, my apologies and my thanks.

Overall, Tim, you've been a great help to myself and everyone else in this household, and nobody will ever be able to thank you enough with words alone, but for what words are worth, thank you.

Christmas-Themed Coliseum Visits

2007-12-08T04:02:47Z

I'm going to visit the Coliseum next Friday the 14th for a preliminary Christmas-themed custom song visit, and so I can garner public opinion when I should hold my official Christmas visit. (So you know, the Coliseum is indeed open on Christmas Day, 5 PM to midnight. Also, I will spend the time up till then with my family, as is traditional, but if popular opinion says I would have the largest audience on Christmas, that's when I'll do it.)

I will schedule my official Christmas visit on one of the following occasions (with warm-ups at 5 and the program at 7), decided by a consensus opinion of those I speak with:

1. On Christmas Day (Tuesday the 25th).

2. Christmas Eve (Monday the 24th).

3. Saturday the 22nd.

4. Friday the 21st.

Songs will include winter- or Christmas-themed music of all genres, including traditional Christmas carols and themed In The Groove or StepMania music. Songs I already plan on bringing are:

Jingle Bells (StepMania original; All charts done)
White Lovers (From DDR; I wrote an edit)
White Destiny (Ace Of Hearts original; winter-themed)
Winter -Speedy Mix- (From Mungyodance; will write an edit)
The 12 Days of Christmas (which I will make transition from caroling to modern)
Frosty the Snowman (I will write original charts)
Deck the Halls (I will write original charts)
Let It Snow (I will write original charts)
Walking in a Winter Wonderland (I will write original charts)
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer (I will write original charts)

And I might write a chart for:
The Bells -Heavy Metal Version- (by the TransSiberian Orchestra featuring Metallica)

All Patches Updated

2007-12-06T22:11:30Z

I've had a discussion with Dave & Kerrie; everything is more or less smoothed over now, and nobody's pissed at anyone for the moment.

My father also called amidst all this - I patched things up with him as well, and I will be spending all day with him tomorrow, first by working with him, then by attending a Christmas event at his church (I don't do church on a Sunday basis, but I can't remember a Christmas I didn't go to a Christmas church service; it's become part of who I am).

We think we have a prospective place to live now, too - the guy will hopefully call us back tomorrow.

If all goes well, we move out over the next three days.

For the hectic way things have been lately, at least, all things seem to now be in accordance.

My plan to establish a new foundation has truly begun.

What Turns Me On

2007-12-06T21:11:04Z

For some reason, through a chain of stuff I was looking up on Wikipedia, I, of all people, eventually wound up staring at Wikipedia's list of sexual fetishes, or "paraphilias" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia#List_of_paraphilias ). This turned out to be very interesting and educational, and there's stuff listed there I never knew existed.

This made me question what turns me on, be it on that list or not.

Here's the list of my general turn-ons that aren't on that list (I'll include what is in a Comment so nobody's forced to delve into the realm of my sexual fantasy land).

Goth/Emo Girls. Maybe I've got an attraction to darkness, I dunno. It's partially the stereotypical clothing - black with studded or spiked bracelets; it's partially the attitude. I think this comes down to a root desire of mine to be the light in someone's life, and thus I feel a strong draw toward those who dress and act dark.

Cute Girls. A lot of girls nowadays hate to be thought of as "cute," probably because in today's society, "cute" is generally not considered sexy. I, however, find it attractive. (This goes deeper; see the Comment if you want to know the root of this one.)

Smart Girls. They know their stuff, and are articulate; they'll generally tell you what's up when there's something they want. (And it's great that recently, an episode of Manswers said smart girls are awesome in bed; I was uncertain smart girls would even want sex.)

Teases. This is not to say I'd want a relationship with an easy girl; this is only to say that I'm turned on by girls who flirt and tease. Of course, this is pretty typical of most guys, but it does turn me on, so it's on my list.

Short Hair. I'm not really sure why, but really short hair - spiked or otherwise - is an interest of mine. Let it be known, however, that I have felt an occasional attraction to girls with long hair; I just generally seem to like it short.

Action

2007-12-06T20:49:30Z

I just got back from my aforemetioned walk.

I went to Family Dollar, applied, and got their phone number.

I went to Turkey Hill, and Grover told me they already had my three previous applications, so I wrote down my number and told him that if they didn't call me tomorrow, I'd be calling or visiting the next day.

I also went to the Hess station; they can't hire me because they're over-budget.

Those were today's three; I figure I should go out again tomorrow just in case Family Dollar/Turkey Hill don't work out.

Sudden Employment Search

2007-12-06T19:22:28Z

Now look, I'm aware that I've needed a job for a while now. This information is not new to me. And I was indeed planning on doing something very soon (not neccesarily today at first, but at least sometime this week, considering yesterday's conversation with my dad).

However, due to my own previous trend of inaction, yet again, someone's angry with me, but it didn't happen gradually over the course of weeks or even days.

Nope, as is her nature, Kerrie woke up today and decided all of a sudden to be upset with me.

I can't exactly argue (nor can I say I was not warned this may eventually happen), but good Lord, all of a sudden, just an outburst like that? No "we need to talk" or "look man, you seriously need to get a job," just suddenly, she developed a whole attitude problem against me today, and I had to deal with it as I did the chores.

Even while I was filling out an application and resume for Monster.com, she pestered me. "Go out and look for one."

Come on, I understand what she meant by that, but good God, what did she think I was doing on Monster? I'm trying to leverage my efforts here; give me a goddamn break!

And you know something?

It's freezing outside, and there's snow on the ground, but I don't give a damn. Just to show everyone who I am now, I am going to take a long walk down the street and I'm not coming back until I've applied at at least four places (and to hell with bringing the apps home - I'm filling them out right there) and gotten a number to call back.

I was serious about what I typed last night - the change has occured, and there will be reckonings in my life, whether people think I'm actually serious yet or not. I've said it before, but now it is actually going to HAPPEN. Nobody thinks I mean it this time; I am utterly determined to prove them wrong.

Provided nobody's on the laptop when I get back, and assuming nobody sees me playing a game, and bitches at me after jumping to the conclusion that this means I must have done nothing (which Kerrie loves to do), I think I'll play Trickster when I get home as a reward for today's hard work. (If anyone bitches at me, I know from previous experience it will ruin my mood and I won't be able to concentrate or play happily, so I won't play, or will stop.) However, though the opposition is great today, I will, in accordance with my new self, predict a favorable outcome.

I'm going to write down all my resume info ('cause I have a terrible memory) and leave. That's right, I ain't waitin', I'm going now.

Establishing a New Foundation

2007-12-06T04:42:08Z

It's come to my conscious attention lately that I've placed my happiness before my well-being.

It's good to be happy, and one should strive to be happy; however, my happiness has been so high on my priority list that it has overshadowed the means by which I can become happy.

I don't have a steady job, I've got no money, I'm moving in a few weeks, and I'm being reamed by everyone I know for my inaction.

I've finally realized the truth.

I am where I am because of my own foolishness and personal stupidity (not that I ever blamed anyone else).

Thus, I need a new perspective on life.

I need to do what I must so I can get the money that will get me the things that make me happy. That's how life works, and somewhere along the road, I lost my perspective.

Here, today, I shall renew my perspective; I will start by looking for a job - a seasonal position if neccesary - and gain steady employment.

This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life - I will make myself into the person I should be - the person I want to be.

Wherever You Are

2007-12-06T04:30:42Z

~ I'm unsure why I feel compelled to write this entry, as I have no girlfriend, but perhaps one day it shall serve a purpose. I felt inspired to write down exactly how I feel about the one I will one day love.~

I don't know who you are yet, and perhaps you don't know me right now, either.

But I can tell one thing already: We were meant to be together.

People ask why we're together, and I have to tell them there's no one thing that attracts me to you.

It's your smile...your laugh...how you're even cute when you're angry.

It's your personality...how you can read my emotions...laugh with me when I'm happy, and say nothing and just hug me when I'm feeling defeated.

It's how you use your attractiveness to toy with me...how you tease me, how you flirt with me, then when I go to make a move, how you act so shy and innocent.

It's how you reassure me of your love when life's not right; how you stay by my side no matter how bad things get.

It's the fact that you love me in spite of - no, because of - my quirks - and I find that sweet.

I wouldn't give you up for any amount of money, any object, or any other girl on the face of the planet, and I know I don't have to ask you to know you feel the same way.

I love you because you love me and want me to be your only one; that's enough for me.

I don't know who you are just yet - but I do know I will love you unconditionally and without end.

I'm Back (Though For How Long I Cannot Say)

2007-12-03T09:46:48Z

We got the internet yesterday.

I log on, and it says I haven't posted anything in 64 weeks.

I guess it'd be useless to type a 10-page essay; suffice it to say we're not staying where we are; we're all moving at the end of the month (I live with several friends currently). We're making plans and doing some hunting so we know what we can get.

I believe my luck is finally changing; I have a potential girlfriend (she's my age, single, and not weirded out by me; that, and she's good-looking and has a great personality, which qualifies her in my book) and I think - OMG - I might actually have my priorities straight for once in my life.

Though I know I'm moving soon, I don't believe things could be looking more upward.

Ya gotta be proactive, not reactive, so I'm no longer waiting for stuff to happen to me; I've said to hell with my subconscious fear of failure and rejection, and I am going for it once again in all aspects of my life.

Alright, slightly different topic.

I apologize to everyone who hasn't seen me at Harrisburg Mall's Family Fun Center; I keep meaning to go down and visit, but I never get around to it (I'm either busy or don't have the money). I really wanna see you guys soon.

Also, I'm told it's more or less dead there since the latest tournament; this cannot be true! Everyone just kinda stopped playing ITG?? I won't believe that till I see it. I will visit soon and see this with my own eyes. I don't know about you guys, but I've been getting my exercise on the ITG machine at the Coliseum as often as funds allow (which has been slightly less than I'd like), and I've been writing new stepcharts the entire time (I just wrote two this week); I'm anxious to show you guys these charts if any of you actually still hang out at Harrisburg Mall.

I am going to call Ayron sometime soon and ask him for the In The Groove 2 song pack; I've gotten several people I know back into StepMania and they want the easier charts.

I'm gonna call Mike and see what he's been up to as well; maybe we can hang out again sometime.

Here's a summary of what I've been up to, stepchart-wise, since I last played at the Harrisburg Mall. All of it, the good, the bad and the ugly.

New Ace Of Hearts Original: Suburban Museum (from Nights Into Dreams), [Expert/11] only. Weird syncing near the middle, but otherwise follows the song pretty well.

Finally wrote that new chart for Wannabe [Hard] like I said I would.

Wrote an edit for Mungyodance's Centerfold; 9 feet.

Wrote an edit for Angel's Eyes; 9 feet.

Took Makes Me Wonder from Andy and wrote all the other charts ([N/E/M/Ex]).

Wrote [E/M/H] for Everywhere. Meant to appeal to religious types and, though the charts are good, it fails hard at its purpose.

In honor of the movie Night At The Museum, I wrote a chart for September [Ex/9]; it has a heart, but I can't feel its soul.

Added an ingenious [Ex/9] chart to The Magic Key.

Finally wrote my edit for Tell!! It's [Ex/11] and is a fun 11 (I compare it to Xuxa all the time).

Wrote a beautiful lyrics-only [H/8] chart for Life is Like a Boat -Long Version-.

Wrote a cool [H/9] chart for Fighting Dreamers -Long Version-.

Remember Sailor Moon? I took the ending theme from the movie, which is The Power of Love, and wrote all five charts for it, and I'll have you know Expert is an 11.

Wrote edits for A Love Like This and Chikara (which was my 100th stepchart); Chikara turned out better.

Wrote the most badass edit in the world for Jet World.

Wrote a bizarre [Ex/11] chart for Love Tropicana and made sure it was sync'ed right.

Added a [Novice] chart to White Destiny -Long Version- in honor of winter starting.

Also wrote an 8-foot edit of White Lovers for the same reason.

Finished my [H/8] chart for Telescope -Long Version-.

Made sure the ratings on Hardware Store were accurate, made sure it was sync'ed, bumped [E/M/H] up to [M/H/Ex], and wrote [N/E]. (Thanks to Drew for providing that song for me.)

Does anyone remember mocking A-I-Tsu? I gave it a complete makeover. It has brand-new [Hard] & [Expert] charts, I made sure it was sync'ed right, and I gave it a new banner and a new background for StepMania.

Started working on banners and backgrounds for songs I have (both mine and others') that originally came with no banner or background to speak of, for play on StepMania. For my stuff, I made both a banner and background for Catch Me If You Can, White Destiny, and The Power of Love; as for other songs, I developed a banner and background for Hardware Store and Angel's Eyes. I also replaced old banners and/or backgrounds with better ones for Be My Angel, Galaxy Bang Bang, and That Chap.

Since the Ben 10 movie is out, I plan to write [N/E/M/H] for the theme song. I will also obtain appropriate pictures to use for the banner and background for StepMania.

Damn, I've been busier than I thought.

Well, I hope to show you guys...all that...the next time I see you.

Toodles.

Knowledge Yields Profits

2006-09-11T00:55:10Z

I finally got the official letter from the clerical pool on Saturday, and sure enough, I'm fired.

This was only to be expected, of course, so I'm not gonna fret over it.

Because now, I can enact my plans to get hired elsewhere (knowing full well now that I will indeed be available for full-time work, a detail which would've been sketchy had I tried to apply anywhere while I was waiting for the clerical pool to get back to me). This will take some time and effort on my part (as well as a promise to myself that I will actually do everything in my power to keep my employment), but it will be worth it.

Also, I turned in the three non-working computers and one Dave gave me that also didn't work to Alliance Computers for store credit (after, of course, burning everything I still wanted onto a CD). I did this about a week ago; they will call me back when they're done determining how much credit they can give me for all the stuff I gave them. I'm told it will probably be enough to get me a new computer (one that actually works for once), and that will be good news for someone like me whose life just seems to be full of bad luck and ill fortune (some portion of which I brought on myself).

I've had the last three weeks to think about things; I may, from my own point of view, have practically hit "rock bottom," but there's only one direction from there: up. And it's all gonna start with a new job and a new computer. I will take my life and "start over," as it were.

With enough effort on my part, I can and will get my cell phone service back, get a car, get internet access from home again, and get a girlfriend.

I've just got to accept the fact that this will take a bit of time; Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say.

Ace will eventually start showing up in arcades again; give me some time to make some more money, so I don't have to depend on free credits, and I will be back. I'll be back; just give me a little while.

For now, though, I will need to lay low and not capitalize too much on the fact that my life is going through some major changes. If I think about the big picture too much, it'll scare the hell outta me, but if I take it one step at a time, everything'll be alright.

This week's forecast?

Cautiously hopeful.

Where Do I Go From Here?

2006-09-04T04:38:26Z

First of all, my apologies for suddenly falling off the internet for over a month. It was not my doing. (My work computer took a crap, evidently, which prevented me from going anywhere except the local business intranet.)

I am not posting from work right now, however...I'm posting from the Gloss' house.

Because I have something important to say.

I do not have a work assignment right now.

The fact of the matter is, I got called on another PDC after being absent for nearly a whole week of sickness (for the record, I really was sick; that was the worst I've felt in months). I argued my case, and I was told it would be a week or more before a decision would be made.

Tomorrow, it will have been exactly two weeks.

I fear greatly that I will lose my job; granted I have backup plans just in case (I have a bunch of places in mind I can go to apply), but although I doubt a positive decision at this point, I'd really like it if they gave me another chance.

Regardless of all this, I have more sad news.

We aren't going on vacation.

Mom cancelled the reservations days ago; there's nothing I can do about it now. When I found out about this, it depressed me very much.

The day after that, Lynn broke up with Al, on the day after he lost his job across the street at Turkey Hill (for unintentionally neglecting to pay for a sandwich when he went on break; he got distracted). Al left me his Dreamcast (which only works 1/2 of the time) and his computer (which at this point also doesn't work, so now we have three computers that don't work), and left, declaring he'd be back as a friend in the future.

I hope so, but I doubt he'll be back much. None of my sister's previous boyfriends really have been.

Speaking of her previous boyfriends, Lindsey called and got back together with Nate immediately after getting rid of Al. This pissed me off much (not that it was Nate in particular, but the fact that she could've or should've waited a bit/should've considered this before ever going out with Al).

So now Nate is back in my life again, along with his GameCube anytime he comes over, which means PSO again; but this is a small matter compared to all the other shit going on in my life at the moment; for example, getting paid only $110 on Friday and thus having to pay my mom every cent of it, leaving me broke again.

Lessee...

I have no job (for the moment, at least),
I have no money,
I have no car,
I've temporarily lost my gumption to play video games,
and I still don't have a girlfriend.

Plus, I haven't been upholding my Personal 10 Commandments.

I've had many major setbacks lately, and that's in addition to all the other problems I already had. I'm rather depressed right now.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Where do I go from here...?

More Encouragement To Visit My Board

2006-08-02T20:29:29Z

Matt's agreed to help my board out as a tech-support kinda person (as he seems to know about phpBB), so he's signed up and has become my first mod.

Steve and Mike have also told me they'll be signing up (although I see no signs of this at this time).

I have asked BoardZero's admin to mod my database so we can have some sort of reputation point system; he'll likely get to it by the end of the week. (You guys can also request that I ask BoardZero to put other additional mods in as well.)

I thus encourage you guys again to sign up for my message board; even if only because you'll get away with just about anything. The only reason I haven't posted since a week ago or so is because nobody else has posted yet. Join now!!

(Expects at this point that BBQ, just to be funny, will now promptly sign up just to post "i posted on ur boards, lol" in the Chat Area)

Dollar Amounts Are So 2 Hours Ago

2006-08-02T20:10:37Z

As my life is taking a turn for the better (for once) and I no longer feel at this point that I really need my journal for the ulterior motive of "just in case I need to prove I thought everything out," I will no longer state exact dollar amounts when my entries detail my getting paid. Today's entry will be the last of its style.

I will still type other kinds of entries, but I'm no longer telling you guys how much I'm getting paid.

...nope, still not the end of a chapter.

Getting closer though.

Greenbacks

2006-08-02T16:08:31Z

Amount Of Pay

I just looked up my pay statement for the money I will be receiving this Friday, and I will be paid in the amount of $489.24.

I must account for the fact that I need to deduct $80 from this amount; $40 for last pay's payment to my loan (since I didn't leave the money in there last pay) and $40 for this time.

This leaves me with $409.24.

I will pay my mother $150 as always and my sister another $80 toward vacation (I owe her only $140 at this point, so a little over half now and the rest next pay).

This leaves me with $179.24, some of which will go toward paying off arcade owner Tim for the ripping off I've been doing (for those who don't know, yes, Tim knew all about those E-Bay tokens all along), but the fact still stands that, all things accounted for, I'll still have a sizable chunk of money Friday, which is a good thing.

This Pay Period's Reward For Myself

There is no game I want this pay period (not for any working systems I currently have, anyway, which also amounts to nothing), and besides, I have a better idea in mind. I will take a trip down to Verizon's corporate office and get my cell phone reactivated (my mom finally filled out the form for the transfer of responsibility for my individual phone). I know a lot of people who will be pleased by this particular move, myself included. People will actually be able to reach me for once.

Also, with my own Verizon account, I'll never go over (I don't use text messaging near as much as my sister did even though I love it, and I typically don't stay on the phone very long during any conversation, plus I never went over on anything when I had service before), so I'll never have to worry about my service getting shut off. All I'll really have to worry about is paying the monthly bill, which at this point shouldn't be much of a problem (I seem to be able to hold on to money lately).

My credit report is currently clear (I took care of the only blemish on it several months ago), so there's no reason (that I'm aware of, anyway) that they should turn down the transfer of responsibility for my phone to me.

Comparison / Progress

The amount I am able to hold on to this pay is greater than last pay's amount, so correct me if I'm wrong, but I must be making progress.

Perhaps having the Glosses hold my PS2 as long as they have has taught me some sort of lesson. lol

Other Stuff That Still Needs Taken Care Of

Well, I still need to pay off Penn Credit and Quest (I took the time to look for and find the paperwork recently, so I know how to pay them), and will pay them off as soon as I can really afford to do so (which I predict will be sometime within the next two months).

Other than that, my debt to Dave Gloss has become my choice between $300 or a new PS2 and GameCube for Tim. Tim got a job since that time and bought himself a GameCube, so the debt was modified to simply buying Tim a PS2. However:

1. David transferred the authority over this debt to Tim (since he was only going to use the money I owed him to buy systems for Tim anyway), and

2. Tim might buy himself the PS2, meaning:

3. If I'm willing to just wait until Tim buys the PS2 for himself, I owe nothing and get my PS2 back. Tim even said so himself (and David agreed).

So I'll wait and see on this one. If he gets himself a PS2, all I have to do is wait till he does, then I get my own PS2 back (in other words, I must wait to get it back until he's done using it).

Summary

So I guess really, all I owe is Penn Credit and Quest, and I will probably get my PS2 back within the month.

Things is lookin' better.

Legends Of The Hidden Temple

2006-08-02T13:26:35Z

My sister and I have been obsessed with watching the old Nickelodeon show on Nick GAS recently. We happen to believe it was one of the most entertaining Nick game shows ever made.

For more info, you can Wiki it, or go visit The King's Storeroom at http://www.geocities.com/nicklegends/, which has a full episode list and reviews of each episode (which include their outcomes).

Also, if you're curious if you can still buy the team shirts anywhere, yes you can; you can go visit http://www.templeshirts.com/ .

(Incidentally, I also still enjoy a good episode of Nick Arcade or GUTS.)

E-Bay Tokens To Be Trashed

2006-07-31T19:05:03Z

I have about 100 to 200 of these tokens left, I am assuming.

However, using these tokens has been the cause of much grief for me over the last three months.

This is due to the fact that when I use my E-Bay tokens, I'm ripping off whichever arcade I go to. I know the arcade managers/owners are right, but good Lord, I spent fifty bucks to buy these tokens, and now I'm being told I can't use them. (So now I issue many an under-my-breath epithet on most of my trips home from the arcade over the fact that I bought the fucking things in the first place.)

I don't want to hold on to them, or I'll be tempted to use them again; however, if I give them to someone else, I'll be blamed for whatever spending of those tokens they do. Therefore, there is only one option remaining to a reasonable person like me who does not wish to piss anyone off.

As soon as I get home, I am going to simply throw these tokens away. Yeah, you heard me right, I'm gonna trash them. It's the only way to make sure I can't use any more of them.

I'm very disappointed that finding such a great deal online ended up being such a waste, but such is my life, and such is the way of the working world.

I guess not having fun playing ITG until I get paid again is worth the fact that I won't be ripping off Harrisburg Mall anymore (not that I was even a very frequent visitor when I had the E-Bay tokens with me anyway).

*Anyone responding to this entry to bitch at me for my attitude in this entry will be ignored; I already admitted I'm wrong and gave up; what more do you want?? I'm just having a difficult time coping with the fact that the situation is as it is.

Message Board Gets Facelift

2006-07-27T15:00:07Z

My message board was a bit too homey and personal, so I redid a bunch of stuff on it. It now has a more "official" feel, and the board will now cater not only to those who go to my house, but those I play ITG with at the Harrisburg Mall and includes boards for Magic and Yu-Gi-Oh players (as I know several of my friends play these games).

Go visit, sign up, and post if you like; as far as I know, everything is in working order.

Also, I'll take a moment to encourage the people I play ITG with at the Harrisburg Mall to sign up. One, because it'll be a more closely-knit thing than on the ITG Freak boards (which I'm sure half of us don't even read half the time), and also because my ranking system is a level-up thing. I think it's really cool.

That, and the fact that I'm the Admin and the only person with admin rights on my boards at the moment, so you can get away with posting just about anything you want.

http://www.boardzero.com/acescrewboards/acescrewboards.html

Coffee

2006-07-27T13:10:50Z

I was tired, so I slipped into allowing myself an extra hour again to catch the second bus.

That was a very stupid mistake (I got bitched out again), not to mention the fact that I just promised yesterday I'd be on time.

I can't damn well punish myself, though, as my life sucks as it is. No arcade visit? Wasn't planning on going today anyway. No going anywhere else? Like that was an available option anyway. No video games? I don't own any working colsoles and I'm stuck on my DS game. No TV? All it really is is reruns. Maybe I'll just wash the dishes when I get home or something.

I am tired, so coffee is where I find what little solace I have at work. My division's coffee station currently does not have sugar, so it's Sweet & Low again (and I hate Sweet & Low).

Maybe God has been punishing me for my personal stupidity lately? I wouldn't doubt it. I wouldn't dare say he's wrong, either.

I know better.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

2006-07-26T14:14:01Z

Yesterday I took off work.

At the time, I thought nothing special of it in particular; I just needed a day off (my plan was actually just to catch up on sleep [seeing as I got next to no sleep all weekend], clean up my game room, and wash the dishes as my mother had been asking me to do for the last several days). I had no special plans for the afternoon; I figured I'd probably watch TV or something.

However, my sister impressed upon me to go to the arcade. The reason being that Josh would be there and she's considering going out with him. (BBQ, if you're reading this, please do not tell Josh about this entry!! She's still thinking about this!!) And so I went. I barely played (which I didn't mind for once) while Lindsey talked with Josh. Anyhow, Sonia came to the arcade shortly before close, and when she left, I opened up to my sister and asked her opinion on whether or not she thought I should ask Sonia out, to which she replied she wasn't sure if Sonia was my type, but would give it some thought. (My sister looks for my blessing every time she gets a new boyfriend, so I feel a sort of cosmic obligation to seek my sister's blessing.) Josh then ended up driving us home, for which we were both grateful.

Today I got to work on time; I made damn sure I would. I'm not on the best of terms with the clerical pool, and screwing something up is cause for their alarm, so I'm going to re-triple my efforts to assure I'm here and on time. Things're gonna be different from now on in regards to my working.

I'm also going to begin making more efforts to get out of the house for reasons other than going to the arcade, although right now, that's kind of difficult, seeing as neither my mother nor I have a vehicle. But I'm going to try.

My life is going to take a turn for the better whether it likes it or not, because I say so.

I may have a newfound resolve, but the chapter ain't over yet. Soon, though, hopefully. Soon.

Playin' It By Ear

2006-07-21T18:47:28Z

I now have $400. Not as much as I usually make, but my attendance issues at work cost me this check, so I'll work with what I got; it'll be better next pay.

This is in cash right now, so there can be no mistakes.

This is the plan:

I will pay my mom $150 (leaves me with $250).

I'll give my sister $100 for vacation as we agreed last night (leaves me with $150).

I've got no clue how much it will cost to reactivate my phone, or even if I can get over to Verizon's local office to turn in the form this weekend (and even so, it might get rejected), so I'm scrapping the phone idea until next paycheck.

I will instead just buy Tales of Phantasia (approx. $35) and hold on to the remaining $115 for whatever I may need it for over the next two weeks (food, bus, possibly an arcade visit or two, whatever). A whole $115.

Now no man can say I cannot hold on to a dollar. Rawness would be proud.

As for my plans this weekend, I'm going to Mike's party Sunday. ITG 2 + Free Play = sweet. I have no idea what I'm doing on Saturday; probably hanging out with friends.

We'll see, but for now, I think I'm just gonna play this one by ear.

Work, Plans, And Murphy's Law

2006-07-20T12:14:17Z

Although getting out of bed proved rather difficult this morning, I managed to get out of bed and catch the bus, making me on time 3 days straight today. I plan to continue this trend for obvious reasons.

I've been invited to come to the arcade today. I can expect many players, and thus not to play too terribly much, so I've fully charged my DS so it's ready for multiplayer.

I get paid $451.61 tomorrow, and this is how things are going to go:

$40 will be taken out automatically for my personal loan payment (gotta remember that!!). $411.61 remaining.

I pay my mother $150 rent money. $261.61 remaining.

I pay my sister...actually, I dunno what I owe her, considering our vacation reservation has recently moved to a less expensive lot later in the season. I have an additional pay date now between right now and the time we go on vacation, so I'm assuming I owe her $100. $161.61 remaining.

Well...I have no idea whether I'll have enough to be reasonably money-safe in reactivating my cell phone tomorrow or not with the remaining money, or whether it's worth it to do it now (my friends and family are all encouraging me to do it, so I'm leaning toward "it's a good idea"). If it's inexpensive, I'll do it; if that's not a viable course of action, I'll pay off Penn Credit or Quest instead. Either way, if there's enough money left, I might buy Tales of Phantasia (depending if I have enough money left over for food/bus; I almost never do, but it'd be nice for once).

Murphy's Law dictates, basically, to plan for the worst. I think I've got it covered, but I'm probably wrong again as usual. We'll see.

Still Compelled To Write

2006-07-18T15:34:45Z

I feel like there's something important I want to say here, but nothing's actually coming to mind.

I'll probably figure it out later.

I'll shoot, for now, for typing a more-or-less normal sounding entry. Perhaps that's the important thing I wanted to figure out moments ago; I suppose I do focus too much on lists and the drama that goes on in my life. So here goes, a relatively drama-free, average entry.

It was hot out yesterday, so I wore shorts today, assuming the heat will continue. I haven't heard anything about it raining today, but I never do. I hope it's hot out today and that it doesn't rain.

If the capitol building's fountain is on today, I might walk over during lunch to watch it for a while. When the wind blows, some mist sprays from the fountain; if that happens, I'll make sure I get sprayed; it'll feel good.

Uh...let's see...I'm broke, so I can't buy lunch, but I had a free muffin this morning, so I guess I'll be alright until I can get home. I'll probably watch the pool ball clock in Strawberry Square or play my DS there over my lunch hour.

I'm going to the arcade today. Ordinarily, as I'm broke, I wouldn't go, but today I'm going because Mike will be there (which usually means free credits), and because there is always the (albeit slim) chance I could meet girls (eh, hasn't happened yet, but who's to say?). Besides, going to the arcade is social and therefore good for me anyway.

When I get home, TV will probably be reruns, so I will probably go to bed early tonight. This will be beneficial for me 'cause I'll get more sleep and it'll help solve my problem of work lateness.

Tentative Plan For This Friday's Pay

2006-07-18T15:14:07Z

The plan is as follows:

1. Pay mom $150 (rent/food/whatever).

2. Pay my sister $150-$200 to put in her account toward our vacation (she holds on to money better than either my mother or myself).

3. Go get my cell phone reactivated if I can.

4. Pay Dave & Tim something if I can.

5. If there's a considerable amount left over, finally pay either Penn Credit and/or Quest Diagnostics (uh...if I can find the paperwork again).

6. If there's still something left, go to EB Games to buy Tales of Phantasia. ...Maybe. (No other plans to buy games at this time; it's the only applicable item on my game list right now; the rest is stuff I can't do anything about until I get my PS2 back/get a working Gamecube.)

I've got no clue how much I'm actually getting paid, so I can't make any guesses as to how this might pan out. I guess we'll just see when the time comes.

Looking For The Answers

2006-07-18T13:39:19Z

Even with recent accomplishments, I still can't help but feel like I'm still behind.

We're having trouble saving up for vacation...I need to pay off my two small remaining bills...I need to buy my PS2 back from Tim...I'm still having girl problems...I just haven't accomplished as much as I'd like, and I'm finding it difficult.

I don't really know what to do, so with all these problems and questions in my life, all I'm really doing at the moment is looking for the answers. And that's important in itself, because you can't find the answers if you don't search for them.

I just want to solve these equations as soon as possible.